In the past month, I have neglected writing my blog, but I have accomplished a number of the goals that I set back in September.
I am proud to report that I am slowly but surely winning the battle of the bulge that I wrote about in November. I made it through the Christmas holidays without losing ground and am now almost 10 pounds lighter than I was when I started on November 27. I have been using the free website at http://www.everydayhealth.com to record my food intake and exercise and I find that it keeps me focused and on task most of the time.
Regarding my writing goals, I have drafted about 30 pages of memoir about my grandmother "Nonnie" and have shared it with my cousin Beth, who had lots of good suggestions and some added tidbits about our grandmother told from the perspective of one who lived under the same roof with her for most of her childhood. I'm sticking with it right now as memoir, but as colorful as Nonnie was, the material could easily be used to develop a fictional character loosely based on her life. My hope is to finish the memoir and then build on that body of work to launch into some fiction writing.
I've been looking for just the right creative writing class to join--maybe at Wake or at Salem--to help in honing my writing skills, but have not located just what I want yet. In searching the web for opportunities in the area of writing, I discovered that there are numerous free classes offered on line from many of the most prestigious universities.
While exploring the catalog of titles, I got completely sidetracked by an Old Testament survey course offered by Yale Divinity School ( http://oyc.yale.edu/religious-studies) . The professor is a woman named Christine Hayes, and she has developed 24 lectures on the Old Testament that are available in transcript, audio, and video. I began reading the lectures and then watching them, and I couldn't pry myself away. I spent almost two weeks working my way through the material, stopping just long enough to make the bed, clean the dishes, and get dinner on before Bill came home at night.
I have now started on the course entitled New Testament History and Literature, which is taught by Dale Martin, also of Yale Divinity School. His course is equally interesting. Robert has lent me his study bible to assist in following along with the readings. It has been ages since I have done any systematic study of the Bible--probably as far back as the Old and New Testament courses I took at Furman. I think once I did try to work my way through LD Johnson's book on covering the Bible in a year, but never made it too far past Genesis.
Everything I've gotten over the years in Sunday School and church is so random and unconnected. The result is that there is a whole play list of scriptures stored up there in the I-tunes section of my brain and it's like somebody put them on shuffle before they pressed the play button. That's actually how I listened to the audio tape of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone some years back. I commented to Todd that the book made no sense at all the way it kept jumping around. Todd just shook his head and said, "Mom, you probably have it on shuffle." Indeed I did, and what a difference it made when I discovered the shuffle button and turned it off. That's somewhat how I feel now, listening to these lectures. It's like somebody took the scriptures off shuffle for me.
At any rate, that's how I've spent all my free time the last few weeks and why my writing has not progressed much. I'm discovering that one of the delicious things about retirement is that you can get off track and explore interesting pathways that present themselves, and it's perfectly okay.
I also decided to volunteer one day a week at Crisis Control Ministries, interviewing clients to establish the basis of their emergency and to determine if they meet the criteria for assistance. Crisis Control operates a pharmacy and a grocery store, and has funds to help with rent, utilities, and medication for clients who need emergency assistance. Bill and I have donated to Crisis Control for years and have been aware of the significant role the organization plays in the life of the community, but I had never spent any time there.
For three mornings last week, I shadowed an experienced interviewer and learned about the intake and application process. Monday, I will shadow a lead interviewer or supervisor who signs off on the applications, as well as approves assistance and writes checks, and have my final training with Cynthia Fearrington, who is the Director of Client Services. I've enjoyed getting re-acquainted with Cynthia, who is also the mother of Matt, one of John Stillerman's friends from grade school. We have reminisced a lot about the hours we spent out at the Little League park on Phillips Bridge Road, watching the boys and catching up on the gossip since the last season.
I finally succeeded in keeping lunch dates with two of my favorite people--my sister Betsy and my long time friend from Charlotte days, Carol Huffman. Betsy and I met a week ago Thursday and got pedicures and then visited over lunch. Carol and I met at Davidson last Tuesday and it was such a pretty sunny day, we ate our pannini and soup on the porch of a great Italian restaurant called Campania. One thing that's so great is that it doesn't matter how much time has passed, when I get with Betsy or Carol, we can take up just where we left off last time
January was a busy month and also one of great loss. As I move forward with my retirement project, I am periodically hit with the reality of David's death and the huge hole he leaves in the lives of all our family. David was too young and we lost him too soon. Life is fleeting and precious and we will do well in the relatively short time that it is ours to embrace it and all of those around us. David certainly did that, as evidenced by the outpouring of love and support on his behalf during his short illness and as he was memorialized.
My retirement project makes more sense than ever in the light of what has happened the past two months and I am eager to continue my journey for happiness and meaning in my elder season.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Friday, February 3, 2012
David Stillerman 1/31/1944--1/4/2012
On January 3, David had a stroke from which he could not recover. He died peacefully and without pain on January 4, surrounded by his loving wife Carol and his children. He was memorialized by family and numerous friends on January 7, at the First Presbyterian Church in Covington, Georgia.
David's passing has created a huge hole in the lives of all who knew and loved him. He is dearly missed.
David's passing has created a huge hole in the lives of all who knew and loved him. He is dearly missed.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Venturing into the New Year
I have totally abandoned my blogging exercises in the past month, partially due to being preoccupied with preparation for the Christmas season, but mostly to take in and process the news about one who is near and dear to us--news that has rocked our whole family to the core. David Stillerman was diagnosed with Kidney Cancer and a tumor blocking the inferior vena cava on December 10.
Ironically, Bill and I were on our way down to Atlanta for an early Christmas celebration with Mom when we got the news. We were set to have dinner in Fayetteville with the brothers and sisters, and some of our favorite cousins, Roy and Fern, who are Uncle Harry's children, and Roy's wife Candee. The three of them had flown in from Plymouth, Mass and Richmond, Va. and were staying in Jane and Jim Stoakes' home.
Jim Stillerman called just as we were leaving the house to inform us of David's diagnosis and to suggest that we go directly to the hospital instead of his and Pam's house in Social Circle, where we had planned to spend the night as well as ride together to Fayetteville.
Jim told Bill that they would schedule surgery for David as soon as possible at Decalb Medical Center in Atlanta. He was certain that the kidney would need to be removed and was extremely concerned about the tumor in the vein and the delicate nature of dealing with that without throwing a clot. At that time, he felt relatively confident that the cancer had not spread and was hoping that a few suspicious spots on the liver could be dealt with during surgery. Jim would fill us in on the details once David and Carol met with the specialists later on in the morning.
Bill got off the phone and we hurried to get on our way. We rode in shocked silence almost to Charlotte, wanting to get there but dreading what in the world we would say to David and Carol. We were completely rocked by the news and could not imagine how much more devastated they must be. My cell phone rang and it was David himself, calling to let us know he was being released from the hospital, and directing us to go to Jim and Pam's house as planned. He sounded strong and upbeat and, in that vintage take-charge David style, said that he had been cleared to go home and was planning on attending the dinner in Fayetteville that night.
We arrived in Social Circle in mid afternoon at Jim and Pam's lovely home, all decorated out for the season and smelling of spices and Christmas goodies. Over cups of coffee brewed from their new Keurig, we visited and barraged Jim with questions about next steps for David's treatment as well as his mental outlook. Jim said that David had reacted practically and pragmatically. He simply wanted to know if the specialists could remove the kidney and get the tumor in the vein. When they answered affirmatively, he was ready to get on with it and get the job done.
David did not want to know a lot a details and procedures. Meg, on the other hand, asked numerous questions and inquired about every detail of what the medical team would be doing for her dad. In the days to come, she created a Caring Bridge web site and has faithfully posted updates about David's progress in clear, layman's terms. The postings have been a real godsend to the family and the many friends who are so eager for current news.
We were anxious about David trying to do too much on his release from the hospital, but Jim assured us that his going to the dinner posed little risk and would probably be good for him. As it turned out, it was a wonderfully therapeutic evening for all of us and just the kind of Christmas gift we all needed.
David and Carol joined us at Jim and Pam's around 5:00 pm so that we could all go together down to Fayetteville. Despite all the chaos that she had been thrown into hours earlier, Carol had baked an apple pie to take to the dinner. She was, as always, her sweet calm self, and instantly put us all at ease with her gracious, loving manner.
Bill and I offered to drive our car to keep from having to be too crowded, but Jim insisted on our all going together. We were able to get all the presents, Carol's pie and Pam's appetizer and vegetable dish, plus the 7 of us into their spacious Cadillac SUV. Pam and Tom volunteered to sit in the third seat, with Bill, Carol, and I in the middle, and David in front with Jim driving. It was the first time in years we had all been together without all of the kids and grand kids. We had such a good time all cuddled up together, cocooned in Jim and Pam's luxury car. We talked and laughed all the way from Covington to Fayetteville and it seemed like no time at all before the hour long trip was over.
Jane and Jim and Mom had prepared a delicious dinner of flank steak and twice baked potatoes, rolls, and salad with greens from their garden. Paired with Pam's fresh green beans and Carol's apple pie topped with ice cream, we enjoyed a perfect pre-Christmas meal. We all sat around the dining room table and reminisced about Christmases past and the good times our families had together when we would gather at Mom and Dad's home for the holiday season.
As always, Mom looked pretty and festive in her Christmas sweater, and was equal to the task of leading us in the traditional "Mushy Moments with Margie" where we all shared our special Christmas memories. It was a serendipity to have Roy and Candee and Fern among us. For a few hours, time was suspended, and we all soaked up the love and fellowship that is always present when families take time to be together. Too soon we would all have to get back to reality and the difficult challenge ahead for David. But for a little while, we took respite in one another and drew strength from our joy in being together.
I will always appreciate that evening as a precious Christmas gift come early from David and Carol. The two of them had just been given crushing news earlier in the day. David was facing serious surgery and the fight of his life. Both of them had every reason to withdraw, shut the world out, and take time to deal with the news in private. Instead, they reacted with their typical faith and courage, gracing us all with their presence for dinner, and giving us all the opportunity to be with them and draw strength from them and from one another.
David's surgery took place on December 21. The surgeons were able to remove the kidney and spleen, but not the tumor from the vena cava, which had grown too far into the vein to take out without being life threatening. The biopsy on the spots from the liver indicated that the cancer had not spread. Although the news was not positive in terms of curing the cancer, the family was encouraged when they met with the oncologist, who outlined further treatment to contain the spreading of the tumor on the vena cava.
David improved rapidly from the surgery and was making excellent progress until December 24, when he threw a blood clot, causing him to aspirate into his lungs. Since that time he has been in critical condition in ICU.
David has such a zest for life that he will fight to rebound from this recent setback. He and Carol have the love and support of their children, their family, and a multitude of friends who are in constant prayer for his recovery.
Christmas has been a bitter-sweet season for the Stillerman family this year. Even so, we have all experienced once again deeply and poignantly the love and joy and peace of God come down to earth to be with us and to sustain us.
Ironically, Bill and I were on our way down to Atlanta for an early Christmas celebration with Mom when we got the news. We were set to have dinner in Fayetteville with the brothers and sisters, and some of our favorite cousins, Roy and Fern, who are Uncle Harry's children, and Roy's wife Candee. The three of them had flown in from Plymouth, Mass and Richmond, Va. and were staying in Jane and Jim Stoakes' home.
Jim Stillerman called just as we were leaving the house to inform us of David's diagnosis and to suggest that we go directly to the hospital instead of his and Pam's house in Social Circle, where we had planned to spend the night as well as ride together to Fayetteville.
Jim told Bill that they would schedule surgery for David as soon as possible at Decalb Medical Center in Atlanta. He was certain that the kidney would need to be removed and was extremely concerned about the tumor in the vein and the delicate nature of dealing with that without throwing a clot. At that time, he felt relatively confident that the cancer had not spread and was hoping that a few suspicious spots on the liver could be dealt with during surgery. Jim would fill us in on the details once David and Carol met with the specialists later on in the morning.
Bill got off the phone and we hurried to get on our way. We rode in shocked silence almost to Charlotte, wanting to get there but dreading what in the world we would say to David and Carol. We were completely rocked by the news and could not imagine how much more devastated they must be. My cell phone rang and it was David himself, calling to let us know he was being released from the hospital, and directing us to go to Jim and Pam's house as planned. He sounded strong and upbeat and, in that vintage take-charge David style, said that he had been cleared to go home and was planning on attending the dinner in Fayetteville that night.
We arrived in Social Circle in mid afternoon at Jim and Pam's lovely home, all decorated out for the season and smelling of spices and Christmas goodies. Over cups of coffee brewed from their new Keurig, we visited and barraged Jim with questions about next steps for David's treatment as well as his mental outlook. Jim said that David had reacted practically and pragmatically. He simply wanted to know if the specialists could remove the kidney and get the tumor in the vein. When they answered affirmatively, he was ready to get on with it and get the job done.
David did not want to know a lot a details and procedures. Meg, on the other hand, asked numerous questions and inquired about every detail of what the medical team would be doing for her dad. In the days to come, she created a Caring Bridge web site and has faithfully posted updates about David's progress in clear, layman's terms. The postings have been a real godsend to the family and the many friends who are so eager for current news.
We were anxious about David trying to do too much on his release from the hospital, but Jim assured us that his going to the dinner posed little risk and would probably be good for him. As it turned out, it was a wonderfully therapeutic evening for all of us and just the kind of Christmas gift we all needed.
David and Carol joined us at Jim and Pam's around 5:00 pm so that we could all go together down to Fayetteville. Despite all the chaos that she had been thrown into hours earlier, Carol had baked an apple pie to take to the dinner. She was, as always, her sweet calm self, and instantly put us all at ease with her gracious, loving manner.
Bill and I offered to drive our car to keep from having to be too crowded, but Jim insisted on our all going together. We were able to get all the presents, Carol's pie and Pam's appetizer and vegetable dish, plus the 7 of us into their spacious Cadillac SUV. Pam and Tom volunteered to sit in the third seat, with Bill, Carol, and I in the middle, and David in front with Jim driving. It was the first time in years we had all been together without all of the kids and grand kids. We had such a good time all cuddled up together, cocooned in Jim and Pam's luxury car. We talked and laughed all the way from Covington to Fayetteville and it seemed like no time at all before the hour long trip was over.
Jane and Jim and Mom had prepared a delicious dinner of flank steak and twice baked potatoes, rolls, and salad with greens from their garden. Paired with Pam's fresh green beans and Carol's apple pie topped with ice cream, we enjoyed a perfect pre-Christmas meal. We all sat around the dining room table and reminisced about Christmases past and the good times our families had together when we would gather at Mom and Dad's home for the holiday season.
As always, Mom looked pretty and festive in her Christmas sweater, and was equal to the task of leading us in the traditional "Mushy Moments with Margie" where we all shared our special Christmas memories. It was a serendipity to have Roy and Candee and Fern among us. For a few hours, time was suspended, and we all soaked up the love and fellowship that is always present when families take time to be together. Too soon we would all have to get back to reality and the difficult challenge ahead for David. But for a little while, we took respite in one another and drew strength from our joy in being together.
I will always appreciate that evening as a precious Christmas gift come early from David and Carol. The two of them had just been given crushing news earlier in the day. David was facing serious surgery and the fight of his life. Both of them had every reason to withdraw, shut the world out, and take time to deal with the news in private. Instead, they reacted with their typical faith and courage, gracing us all with their presence for dinner, and giving us all the opportunity to be with them and draw strength from them and from one another.
David's surgery took place on December 21. The surgeons were able to remove the kidney and spleen, but not the tumor from the vena cava, which had grown too far into the vein to take out without being life threatening. The biopsy on the spots from the liver indicated that the cancer had not spread. Although the news was not positive in terms of curing the cancer, the family was encouraged when they met with the oncologist, who outlined further treatment to contain the spreading of the tumor on the vena cava.
David improved rapidly from the surgery and was making excellent progress until December 24, when he threw a blood clot, causing him to aspirate into his lungs. Since that time he has been in critical condition in ICU.
David has such a zest for life that he will fight to rebound from this recent setback. He and Carol have the love and support of their children, their family, and a multitude of friends who are in constant prayer for his recovery.
Christmas has been a bitter-sweet season for the Stillerman family this year. Even so, we have all experienced once again deeply and poignantly the love and joy and peace of God come down to earth to be with us and to sustain us.
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